Are You Obeying to Be Accepted, or Because You Already Are?
Ephesians 4:25-32
There is a default setting in the human heart — even the redeemed heart — that quietly reverses the order of the gospel. It goes something like this: if I can just get my behavior right, then I can rest in grace. If I do enough, then I’ll be accepted. It feels humble, even responsible. But it is not the gospel. As I worked through Ephesians 4 this past Sunday, I kept coming back to this: “The gospel is not, I obey, therefore I’m accepted. The gospel is, I am accepted, therefore I obey. It’s dramatically different. And it changes everything in your life.”
The letter Paul writes to the Ephesians has a clear two-part structure — chapters 1 through 3 devoted to doctrine, chapters 4 through 6 devoted to duty. Right thinking, then right living. The order is not incidental; it is irreversible. Our main point from Ephesians 4:25-32 was this: because God has forgiven us in Christ and sealed us by His Spirit, we must not let anger, speech, and bitterness become Satan’s foothold in our lives and in Christ’s church.
Right Living: The Life That Pleases God
Paul opens with truth-telling, and his reason is striking. He doesn’t just say be honest — he says speak truth “for we are members one of another.” Dishonesty among us has major implications. It creates confusion in a church. It erodes trust. And we are not merely a crowd gathered on Sunday mornings. We are members of a body, the body of Christ. When we do speak truth, Paul has already told us in chapter 4, verse 15, to speak the truth in love. “Many are good at speaking truth, not so good at love. Some are good at love, not so good at speaking truth. But if you speak truth and there’s no love, it’s like a hammer. And everything’s a nail.”
On anger, Paul doesn’t say do not be angry. He says “be angry and do not sin.” There is a righteous anger that hates what God hates. But anger easily becomes destructive, and Paul’s warning is severe: nurtured anger gives the devil a foothold. I shared the words of Thomas Watson on this: “When men let forth passion, they let Satan in.” I offered three questions worth sitting with the next time anger rises: Why am I angry — is this self-centered or God-centered? How am I angry — is it controlled, or is it explosive, cold, manipulative? And how long am I angry? “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Not a bedtime deadline, but a call to urgency. Keep short accounts. Take out the trash.
Verse 28 gives us a deeply Christian view of work and money in one sentence. Paul doesn’t just say stop stealing — he says stop taking and become a giver. “The opposite of theft is not restraint. The opposite is generosity.” Honest work is the means; love toward others is the point. “The way of the world is shortcuts. It is grasping. It is even taking what is not yours. But the way of Christ is honest work that becomes a means of love towards others.”
On speech, Paul says let no corrupting talk — nothing spoiled, nothing rotten — come from your mouth. Words can infect a home, poison a friendship, weaken a church. But here is the phrase I had honestly missed before: our words can “give grace to those who hear.” Your mouth can be a means of grace. The same way reading Scripture or prayer is a channel through which you experience God’s grace, “when you speak to someone for their good, it is a channel through which the grace of the living God comes to bear on their life.”
Right Thinking: The Gospel Engine Beneath Your Obedience
All that right living we just talked about? You are not doing any of it — certainly not to the glory of God — without right thinking beneath it. Paul gives us two sides of what I called the gospel diamond. First, verse 30: we are sealed by the Spirit. A seal in the first century marked ownership and guaranteed authenticity. The Holy Spirit in you is God’s guarantee that he will finish what he started. Philippians 1:6 does not say maybe. “The Christian does not obey out of fear of being abandoned. The Christian does not want to grieve the one who will never abandon him. That’s such a different motivation, isn’t it? Slaves obey because they have to. Sons and daughters obey because they love the father who has been so good to them.”
Second, verse 32: we are forgiven in Christ. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.” The logic is simple and staggering. If you have been forgiven, you have both the model and the motivation to extend that same mercy to others. Charles Spurgeon said it powerfully: “To be forgiven is such sweetness that honey is tasteless in comparison with it. But yet there is one thing sweeter still, and that is to forgive.” Paul is not asking you to pretend the hurt didn’t happen. He’s not asking you to trust someone who is untrustworthy. But he is asking you to let it go — because “the cross is where wrath and justice and mercy and reconciliation all meet. Praise God, he did not hold on to his wrath against us.”
Discussion Questions
- The sermon drew a clear distinction between obedience motivated by fear of abandonment and obedience motivated by gratitude for adoption. Which of those motivations do you find driving your own daily obedience most often, and why?
- The three questions about anger — why, how, and how long — were offered as practical tools. Is there a situation in your life right now where one of those questions would be especially helpful to ask honestly?
- Paul says our words can “give grace to those who hear.” Think of a time someone’s words functioned as a means of grace in your life. What made them different from flattery or empty encouragement?
Do you want to live differently? I bet you do — it’s the heart of every Christian. Then let right thinking lead you there. Preach the gospel to yourself this week. Start each morning with the truth that in Christ you are forgiven, adopted, sealed. And when you fail — because you will — remember that the same verse warning us not to grieve the Holy Spirit promises that we are sealed for the day of redemption. Your failures are not the end of the story. Christ is.
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The Believers Relationship to the World
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The View of Jesus
We hope you enjoyed the sermon and would love to see you in person. Plan your visit to Community Baptist Church in Spring Hill, Tennessee today!