How God Frees Us To Forgive
Ephesians 4:31-32 & Genesis 50:15-21
There’s a moment most of us know well — someone wrongs you, and the advice comes quickly: just let it go. Move on. Brush it off. It sounds simple enough, until you’re lying awake at 2 a.m. replaying the offense, or you find yourself dragging up something from 2019 in the middle of an argument about something else entirely. Forgiveness is one of the most preached topics in church, and yet, as I said Sunday morning, “many people don’t actually walk in biblical forgiveness.” I wanted to change that — not with a nice idea about forgiveness, but with a real path toward it, the kind that actually produces “the peace and the joy of Christ.”
The hinge passage is Ephesians 4:31-32, where the Apostle Paul does two things: he tells us to put off bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and malice, and he tells us to put on kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. That second command is easy to affirm and hard to live. So I took us to Genesis 50, to a man named Joseph, because his story shows us not just that forgiveness is possible — but how God actually makes it possible.
The Path to Bitterness — and How It Starts Small
Bitterness doesn’t usually begin with something massive. It begins with an injustice — small or large — that produces anger. I told the room about waking up early Sunday morning to finish my sermon, and my seven-month-old deciding to join me. “There is something inside in my heart that all of a sudden took offense.” That’s a small thing. But every time throughout the day, we have an opportunity to either forgive or take up offense. The pattern is the same whether it’s a sleepless baby or a brother who sold you into slavery: an injustice happens, anger rises, and we face a choice — trust God to deliver justice, or take that seat ourselves. When we take it, that’s vengeance. And vengeance is how the root of bitterness takes hold.
I walked through several signs that bitterness may already be at work in us: we keep score, we punish — loudly or coldly — we gossip, we withdraw, or deep down, we just want that person to pay. I’ll be honest with you. There were times I prayed that my abuser would get hit by a bus. I thought I was praying imprecatory prayers. But what I was really doing was sitting in malice — exactly what Ephesians 4:31 names.
Point 1 — Remember Who the Judge Is
Joseph’s brothers, after their father Jacob died, were terrified. They understood the human heart. They knew that when bitterness takes root, people want payback. Joseph had every reason — every earthly right — to retaliate. Second in command in Egypt, one word and his brothers are gone. But look at what he says in Genesis 50:19: *”Do not fear, for am I in the place of God?”*
That question is the first key to forgiveness. “For us to have the power to truly forgive individuals, we have to remember that God is ultimately the judge, not us.” This is where most people stumble — they say “I’m just letting it go,” as if the offense never happened. But you can’t just let it go, because an injustice did happen. Forgiveness is releasing my personal claim to vengeance and entrusting judgment to God. It is not pretending it didn’t happen. It is not automatic trust. It is not putting yourself back in danger. It is saying, “God, you be the judge here. I’m stepping down.”
Point 2 — Trust That God Is a Good Judge
But here’s the harder question I had to wrestle with — and I believe Joseph did too. If I hand this over to God, how do I know he’ll actually make it right? Genesis 50:20 is Moses’ answer: *”As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring about that many people should be kept alive.”*
Forgiveness does not minimize evil. Joseph doesn’t say, “It wasn’t that bad.” He says, *you meant evil.* He names it. And then he says God meant it for good. I shared Sunday that 25 years ago I was a very angry person — “that same energy was full of hate.” I could not imagine God using any of that pain. Fast forward to today, and I have seen countless men come to me in tears, saying they have never told anyone what happened to them. That shift — realizing “I didn’t want this pain to come to me, but God was able to use it to redeem other people” — changed everything. Evil does not get the final word. Trusting God’s sovereignty is not naïve. It’s the only ground stable enough to stand on when you’re choosing to forgive.
Point 3 — Remember How Much You Have Been Forgiven
Even when we know God is judge and God is good, forgiveness still doesn’t come easily — because we need to practice it repeatedly. Jesus tells Peter in Matthew 18:22 not seven times, but seventy-seven times. He wasn’t doing math. He was saying: as many times as it takes for you to release your grip on the verdict and give it back to God.
But what gives us the power to keep doing that? Here’s what I had to learn the hard way. My counselor looked me in the eyes and said, “Ken, do you realize that you and your abuser — you both deserve the wrath of God?” I wanted to walk out. But when I stopped comparing my sin to someone else’s and compared it instead to the holiness of God, something broke open. “When I started to ask for forgiveness, it’s as if the scales fell from my eyes.” Ephesians 4:32 doesn’t just command forgiveness — it grounds it: *forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.* We are not only Joseph in this story. We are also the brothers. And when we receive the forgiveness that Christ offers — “I will provide for you and your little ones, I will speak kindly to you” — we find we actually have something to give.
Discussion Questions
- Ken described the “path to bitterness” moving from injustice to anger to vengeance. Where do you typically get stuck on that path — and what does that look like for you in everyday relationships?
- Joseph asks, “Am I in the place of God?” in Genesis 50:19. What does it practically look like to hand the role of judge back to God in a situation where you’ve been genuinely wronged?
- Ken shared that his counselor’s hardest — and most freeing — words were that both he and his abuser deserved God’s wrath equally. How does remembering your own need for forgiveness change the way you approach forgiving someone else?
If you’re reading this and something in the message stirred something you’ve been carrying for a long time, I want you to know that what I offered Sunday morning isn’t a formula — it’s an invitation. Write the name down. Name the offense. Bring it to God and say, “You be the judge.” And if you’ve never trusted Christ with your life, that same forgiveness Joseph extended to his brothers — the forgiveness Jesus offers to you — is available right now. We’d love to walk that road with you. You don’t have to carry this alone.
How God Frees Us To Forgive
True forgiveness isn't pretending it didn't happen. Ken unpacks Genesis 50 and Ephesians 4 to show how God frees us to forgive — really.
Right Thinking Leads to Right Living
Right thinking leads to right living. A look at Ephesians 4:25-32 on anger, speech, and bitterness — and the gospel that makes obedience possible.
4 Actions from God; 4 Actions from Us
John Powell unpacks Psalm 23 — four actions from God, four responses from us — and why a sheep without a shepherd is just someone else's lunch.
What Does It Actually Mean to Be a Godly Father?
Ephesians 6:1-4 – Explore what Scripture really calls fathers to do — and not do — in the home.
The Believers Relationship to the World
What does it mean to live differently in a world that doesn't know God? Pastor unpacks Ephesians 4:17-24 on standing apart and being transformed.
Christ Gives Gifts to Build Up His Church
Ephesians 4:11-16 – Discover how spiritual gifts, biblical community, and speaking truth in love help the church grow strong.
We hope you enjoyed the sermon and would love to see you in person. Plan your visit to Community Baptist Church in Spring Hill, Tennessee today!