Loving And Submitting: What Does That Look Like?

Loving And Submitting: What Does That Look Like?

Have you ever considered that your wedding day could be “a good day to die”? That’s how the pastor who married my wife Chelsea and I began our ceremony. At the time, I thought I understood what he meant about dying to myself and putting my spouse first. In reality, I had no clue what true sacrificial love in marriage looked like.

As we dive into God’s design for marriage, we’ll explore how mutual submission and sacrificial love can transform our relationships to reflect Christ’s love for the church.

The Foundation: Mutual Submission

Before getting into the specific roles of husbands and wives, we need to understand the foundation of Christian marriage – mutual submission. Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit “to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This applies to all believers, not just married couples. 

R.C. Sproul explains it this way:

“Husbands and wives are to serve one another according to the principle of mutual Christian service, but the form this service takes is gender specific. Wives serve their husbands by submitting to them. Husbands serve their wives not by submitting to them, but by leading them and by loving them with a sacrificial love, an imitation of the way that Christ loves the church.”

To cultivate this spirit of mutual submission, we need to:

1. Be saved – We can’t truly deny ourselves without Christ’s power
2. Read God’s Word regularly – Set reminders to spend time in Scripture daily
3. Pray consistently – Use the ACTS method (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication)
4. Allow accountability – Find a trusted friend or small group to keep you on track

Wives: Submit as to the Lord

Paul’s instruction for wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:22-24 is often misunderstood and abused. Let’s be clear about what Biblical submission does and doesn’t mean:

It does NOT mean:

• Wives don’t have a voice in the marriage
• Wives must agree with every decision
• Wives should be silent and just do what they’re told

It DOES mean:

• Choosing not to overtly resist your husband’s will
• Expressing opinions respectfully without belittling
• Supporting and following your husband’s leadership (when it doesn’t lead to sin)

As Pastor John MacArthur notes, “The headship-submission relationship is not about inherent superiority or inferiority.” Wives, when you practice Biblical submission, you’re honoring the Lord and building trust with your husband.

Husbands: Love as Christ Loved the Church

Men, our call is equally challenging – to love our wives as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? By giving himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). We’re to sacrifice ourselves to help our wives become more like Jesus.

Paul gives us another analogy – love your wife as you love your own body (Ephesians 5:28-30). Just as we naturally care for ourselves, we should care for our wives.

Practical Ways to Sacrificially Love Your Wife:

1. Do something simple – Make coffee, unload dishes, give her some “peace time”
2. Unplug and study your wife – Put away devices and really listen
3. Prioritize intimacy – Set regular “marital health calendar rhythms”
4. Sacrifice – Give up personal preferences to put her first
5. Serve spiritually – Pray together, discuss Scripture, ask how you can grow
6. Be intoxicated in her love – Show affection, write notes, affirm her publicly
7. Shoulder the leadership burden – Take responsibility for family decisions
8. Be engaged – Seek out your wife first when you get home

I’ll never forget what Pastor Voddie Baucham once said: “If you want great intimacy with your wife at night, that begins in the morning.” When we die to ourselves and serve our wives, we’re loving ourselves and honoring God.

Putting It Into Practice:

1. Discuss with your spouse: How can we better submit to one another out of reverence for Christ?
2. Wives: Ask your husband how you can show respect in a way that’s meaningful to him.
3. Husbands: Ask your wife, “What acts of service are most meaningful to you?”
4. Set a “marital health calendar” with regular times for prayer, dates, and getaways.
5. Commit to unplugging from devices for a set time each day to focus on each other.

Remember, our marriages aren’t ultimately about our happiness – they’re about glorifying God. As we submit to one another and sacrificially love our spouses, we paint a beautiful picture of Christ’s love for the church. May our marriages be a testimony that draws others to Him.