Love Matters

The Secret Ingredient to a Lasting Marriage

Have you ever wondered what makes some marriages last a lifetime, while others crumble? As a pastor who has counseled countless couples, I’ve discovered there’s one essential ingredient that can make all the difference – love. But not just any kind of love. I’m talking about the patient, kind, enduring love described in 1 Corinthians 13. Let me share what I’ve learned about this transformative love and how it can strengthen your marriage.

The Four Faces of Love

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the apostle Paul gives us 15 characteristics of love. While they’re all important, I want to focus on four key aspects:

Love Endures

Growing up, I witnessed firsthand what enduring love looks like through my parents’ 57-year marriage. “I never remember my entire growing up of the two of them fighting,” I recall. Sure, they had disagreements, but they worked through them privately and presented a united front to us kids. That example showed me that love perseveres through challenges.

Love is Patient 

My great-grandmother exemplified patience in the way she lived her simple farm life. “I never remember going to her house…and in that house was this big cookie jar, which I now own,” I reminisce. She always had time for her family, never rushing or watching the clock. In our fast-paced world, we could learn from that unhurried approach to relationships.

Love is Kind

My wife Christy is the kindest person I know. “That’s what attracted to me in the beginning,” I share. Her warmth and hospitality draw people in. Kindness goes a long way in smoothing over the inevitable bumps in marriage.

Love Never Loses Faith

Through multiple moves across several states, “she’s never once questioned one move, never asked me one time why,” I marvel. That unwavering faith and trust is the bedrock of a strong marriage.

Removing the Noise

One of the biggest obstacles to love is what I call “noise” – all the distractions and conflicts that can drown out our connection. “The world is full of noise and you gotta remove the noise,” I emphasize. Often, we get hung up on petty disagreements over things like how to squeeze the toothpaste tube. But those are just “small stuff” that shouldn’t derail our relationship.

The number one source of conflict? Money. “In all my marriage counseling, I will tell you 90% of the time, somewhere it’s always going to steer back to money,” I observe. That’s why open communication about finances is so crucial.

Practical Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage

So how can we cultivate this kind of enduring, patient, kind, and faithful love? Here are a few practical tips:

1. Pray together daily, even if just for a minute
2. Leave encouraging notes for your spouse 
3. Be fully present when spending time together
4. Hold regular family meetings to discuss issues
5. Treat your spouse like royalty
6. Don’t sweat the small stuff
7. Show physical affection through hand-holding, etc.

Life Application: Making it Work

This week, I challenge you to put these principles into practice:

1. Identify one “noise” in your relationship and work to eliminate it
2. Start and end each day with a brief prayer together
3. Leave an encouraging note for your spouse in an unexpected place
4. Plan a date night where you’re fully present – no phones allowed!

Remember, as 1 Corinthians 13:8 tells us, “Love never fails.” When we commit to loving our spouse with patience, kindness, endurance and faith, we lay the foundation for a marriage that can withstand any storm. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Strengthen your marriage today!