Marriage And Godly Communication

Have you ever felt like you and your spouse were speaking different languages? You say one thing, they hear another, and before you know it, you’re in the middle of an argument wondering how you got there. As a pastor, I’ve seen countless couples struggle with communication issues. But here’s the good news: with God’s help and some practical wisdom, we can transform the way we communicate in our marriages and other relationships.

Let’s dive into some key principles for godly communication, straight from God’s Word.

The Foundation: A Proper Attitude

Godly communication starts with a proper attitude. In Ephesians 4:1-3, the Apostle Paul urges us to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

These five words – humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance in love, and eagerness for unity – should shape our attitude in all our interactions, especially with our spouses. Remember, most of our communication isn’t just about words. Our body language, facial expressions, and overall demeanor speak volumes.

I’ll be the first to admit, my facial expressions often get me in trouble. As I’ve said from the pulpit before, “If I could change one thing, you know, I just wish I could just smile all the time.” Our spirit, attitude, and disposition significantly impact our relationships.

The Cornerstone: Honesty

Ephesians 4:25 tells us, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” Honesty is crucial in all relationships, but especially in marriage. 

Avoid phrases like “you always” or “you never” – they’re rarely true and often lead to defensiveness. Instead, strive for truthful, loving communication. As 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us, “love covers a multitude of sins.” Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is let small issues go.

Ephesians 4:26-27 gives us this wisdom: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” It’s okay to feel angry, but we must be careful not to sin in our anger.

Instead of attacking the person, attack the problem. Deal with issues promptly – don’t let them fester. My wife and I have a rule: we don’t bring up major issues after 9 PM. Why? Because when we’re tired, small disagreements can escalate quickly.

Building Up, Not Tearing Down

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). Our words should be like a well-used hammer – constructive, not destructive.

I can honestly say that in 35 years of marriage, I have never sworn at my wife, and neither has she at me. Why would we let trash come out of our mouths and fling it at someone we love?

Putting It Into Practice

So, how can we apply these principles in our daily lives? Here are some practical steps:

1. Check your attitude: Before entering a conversation, especially a potentially difficult one, take a moment to align your heart with God’s Word. Are you approaching the situation with humility, gentleness, and patience?
2. Be honest, but loving: Speak the truth, but always in love. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m about to say both truthful and beneficial?”
3. Address issues promptly: Don’t let conflicts simmer. Make it a habit to resolve disagreements before the day ends.
4. Use words that build up: Before speaking, consider whether your words will edify and encourage your spouse.
5. Forgive readily: Remember the gospel. We forgive others because Christ has forgiven us.

Remember, godly communication isn’t just about techniques or strategies. It’s about allowing the gospel to transform our hearts and relationships. As Ephesians 5:1-2 exhorts us, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

By God’s grace, we can become better communicators, strengthening our marriages and glorifying God in the process. Let’s commit to speaking words of grace, seasoned with love, that build up rather than tear down. After all, isn’t that how Christ communicates with us?